Cindy Bullens - Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth - all formats from all countries

(Written in early 1999 before the I pressed up the first 1000 copies of the CD to benefit the Maine Children's Cancer Program and Included in the booklet of the original CD package. The album was then released globally on Artemis/Blue Lobster Records in August of 1999.) When my daughter Jessie died on March 23, 1996, just weeks after her eleventh birthday, I felt my own life end. I couldn't imagine that I could ever again be a productive human being. That I would ever again write a song, let alone record an entire album, was the furthest thing from my mind. But about four months after her death-still numb with disbelief-I found myself alone with my guitar, aimlessly strumming chords just to hear the comforting sound of the instrument. Without any thought on my part, a song emerged: Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth. I was at once energized and horrified. I was enegized by the making of music which is so much a part of me and horrified by the realization that I had just written a song about the death of my own child. It took some time to reconcile the two feelings. If I were an artist, a painter, a poet, I reasoned, I would be furiously painting away on a canvas--the colors of anguish, despair, and unimaginable loss. Or I would be filling a notebook with words of unending sorrow, grief, and the deepest kind of pain. But I'm not a painter and certainly not a poet. I'm a songwriter, I write simple songs, both musically and lyrically-straight to the point, nothing fancy. So I told myself-when the inspiration strikes-I will write. I had no desire to write songs for exercise or profit. In fact, my only inspiration would be my absolute love for Jessie and the absolute agony of life without her. Three months after I wrote Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth, I wrote In Better Hands, and three month later, A Thousand Shades of Grey. The latter was in January of 1997 and I knew the next step was to record these three songs. I had never felt any connection with any songs I had ever written before. And though I could not sing any one of them without breaking down into tears-I knew these songs were precious gifts. In March of 1997 I went to Nashville, gathered some of my favorite musician friends, and went into the studio. Thus began the inception of this album, without my knowing it. Only in July, when I wrote The Lights of Paris, did I consider that maybe someday I would have enough songs about this experience, and that perhaps my expression of grief and love and loss could help others in some way. But it wouldn't be until the fall of 1997 when my friend Beth Nielsen Chapman released her album Sand and Water, recorded after the untimely death of husband, and co-produced by Rodney Crowell, that the idea took shape. It was my (then) husband, Dan Crewe, who encouraged me not to wait for any kind of record deal and "just do it". In November, Rodney, who I knew and admired as a hugely talented man, agreed to produce two tracks with me, telling me he felt it was something I "had to do". Only ten days after Rodney agreed to work with me, I found myself again in Nashville with four top musicians and veteran engineer David Thoener. We recorded The Lights of Paris and I Gotta Believe In Something, a song I had written in October of 1997 during a bout of severe depression. Rodney's and the musicians' sensitivity to the reason for my recording, brought the songs a quality that I can only describe as-pure. I was deeply moved. Inspired by those sessions, I got up the nerve to call my old friend Bonnie Raitt to ask if she would sing a harmony on one of those songs. She agreed right away and chose to sing on I Gotta Believe In Something, gracing this album with much more than just her incredible voice. Buoyed by her response. I took a deep breath and called Bryan Adams. Bryan had sung on one of my previous recordings, and I had sung on an early album of his. He answered my call so graciously. He asked me how I was coping (he knew of Jessie's death) and then asked how he could help. I explained what I was doing and he very simply replied "send me the tape." His harmony vocal on the title track Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth is a stirring contribution. I went to Los Angeles in February of 1998 to work with my long time friend Tony Berg on two more songs that I had written that fall. Because of Tony's manic schedule as a record company executive and record producer, we worked in spurts over the next few months on Boxing With God and As Long As You Love (Scarlet Wings). Again, it was an extraordinary experience of caring, talent, and generosity by everyone involved. While in LA, I met up with another old friend, Steven Soles. Steven and I go way back to the 1970's before he forme The Alpha Band with T-Bone Burnett and David Mansfield. He co-produced the last song I wrote The End of Wishful Thinking. It was a labor of love for everyone. In April of 1998, I recorded two more songs in Nashville, Water On The Moon, with Rodney Crowell, and Better Than I've Ever Been with me alone at the helm. As the project took shape, it became more and more obvious to me that Jessie's older sister, sixteen year-old Reid, had to be included. She has a lovely young voice and loves to sing and play piano, so I knew it wasn't just a sentimental notion. As my good friend, and brother-in-law Bob Crewe put it--it seemed extremely important and necessary. It was a matter of finding the right spot. I was having a very difficult time putting the lead vocal to As Long As You Love (Scarlet Wings). It's the hardest song to sing emotionally. I just could not fine the balance between true emotion and vocal quality. As I was driving one day at home in Maine, listening to the tape of my latest attempt, it hit me that maybe I wasn't supposed to sing the whole song. Reid could sing the chorus (Jessie's part). It was perfect. It would be stunning. So I asked her if she would do it. With a typical teenage reaction, she shrugged her shoulders and said "sure". A few weeks later when she ended her school year, I recorded Reid's vocal in Portland, Maine thanks to my friend Bob Ludwig and his staff at Gateway Mastering. (Bob later mastered the album, squeezing me into his schedule just before Christmas, giving these songs the final loving touch.) I traveled from Nashville to LA to New York, tapes in hand, putting on the final overdubs with the musicians I wanted. Beth Nielsen Chapman added her voice. My dear friend David Mansfield played a violin solo. World re-nowned musicians Benmont Tench, George Marinelli, Jeff Levine, Maryann Kennedy and Bill Lloyd--everyone made time to contribute. Even in early October of 1998, after having mixed most of the tracks and thinking I had used up my quota of guest artists, Lucinda Williams appeared in Los Angeles while touring. I was in LA to mix the Tony Berg tracks with master mixer Bob Clearmountain (Bob had already mixed four previous tracks). I would also finish up in LA with Steven Soles. Lucinda just happened to return a call I had made to her weeks before. I asked if she would sing. She very kindly fit me into her heavy schedule and sang a beautiful harmony on The End of Wishful Thinking. And so, this project continued to have a life and spirit of its own. I returned home to Maine not knowing if anyone would ever hear these songs, but understanding that it really didn't matter. I know this is an emotional statement, but I will make it: If I never write another song, if I never do another thing in music. this is my legacy. My little Jessie, my own personal angel, has inspired the best music I feel I may ever make. And that's just fine. I would trade it all for one more hug, or the sound of her laughter, but that is not to be. I have learned from my own grief and from those who have suffered tragedy before me. There are only two choices for those of us who are left behind: live or die--physically or figuratively. Today I choose to live, inspired by the joy of living that my little red-headed spit fire imbued in every moment she was here on earth. These songs are from me and for me, but if they touch anyone who has experienced profound loss, I am grateful. May we all find some peace in the simple beauty of art, music, and nature. I cannot even begin to express how important the kindness of others has been to me. The experience of doing this project was extraordinary. I was given an incredible gift. As one observer put it--I was surrounded by a circle of friends--loved and nurtured and encouraged. I am truly grateful.

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